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*Pre-editor post (forgive any typos)
This was just the worse. I love my job, but this was one of the worst parts of the gig. This was an awful football game with two conservative coaches trying to out punt and out field goal each other…two guys who need to go/depart their jobs.
But that’s not the worst of it…
I watched this SNF game and then the MNF game right after it for study purposes this day. When I wrote about this SNF game...the MNF game was still haunting me.
Can I just say, I am a semi-patient man. I put up with a lot in the name of football…but, I seriously cannot take any more Booger McFarland words spoken into a microphone from his special scissor lift…words that end up coming out of my TV set. For the first time, actually second…I did it last week too, I muted the sound to watch this game live for stretches. For the first time, I muted the replay study watch because I couldn’t take it anymore.
Perhaps, I’m too harsh a judge. So, to be fair, and because this game was boring as hell to re-watch and write up…I’ve invited Booger to add his commentary to my game analysis to see if we can find common ground, a working relationship. We’ll see how it goes.
You don’t know how hard it was to take the roof and ceiling areas of my house off in order for Booger to ride his crane into my office to do some work. The things I do for football. I didn’t ask him about it ahead of time…I just assume he’s permanently affixed to that Optimus Prime of football contraption. Booger is the world’s worst Transformer. He’s no Bumble Bee.
It feels like neither Dallas or Houston is going anywhere other than 8-8 and onto an early vacation from the season. However, if Houston wins this week (over sad Buffalo) and Dallas defeats Jacksonville (in Dallas) – both Houston and Dallas can wake up to start Week 7 in first place if everything else breaks right. Both play in horrible divisions.
Booger: R.C., what these teams want to do is win as many games now as they can in order to have a chance to make the playoffs later.
RC: Oh, my dear sweet baby Jesus this is going to be a long day with this guy.
Fantasy Player Notes…
-- Keke Coutee (6-51-1/7, 1-2-0/1) followed up his Week 4 splash with a solid game here. ‘Keke Coutee’ must be Latin for ‘our Tyreek Hill’…while Coutee is nothing close to Hill, the Texans don’t know that. They are handing off, bubble screening, jet sweeping, cross-passing as much as they can to Coutee. I wish Andy Reid loved Tyreek this much.
Counting hand-offs and catches…Coutee has had the ball in his hands 13 and 7 times in two games. 10.0 times per game, right out of the chute after missing weeks with an injury – a ton of touches with no delay.
I’m not fighting it. I endorse it. If he’s getting these kinds of looks that quickly, he’s obviously ‘in the club’. A WR2 in PPR until further notice.
Booger: The thing about Coutee is they like to get the ball in his hands and for him to try and make some plays.
RC: Oh, bloody hell.
-- Alfred Blue (20-46-0, 8-73-0/8) looked better in this game than Lamar Miller has in years…and that’s not necessarily a huge compliment…it just is what it is. Blue started taking over Week 4, and the Texans won. He started here Week 5, and the Texans won…their only two wins of the season. It’s not a leap to believe Blue is going to be the lead back right now…even the lead in a 60/40 split with Miller.
What about D’Onta Foreman?
Well, he’s SUPPOSED to be back Week 7. There’s a lot of open-ended optimism but not any hard, concrete sure statements on his return. Foreman would have missed all year and training camp and 6 games. He’s never been ‘the guy’, so it’s hard to imagine that suddenly, off a devastating injury, he just walks back in Week 7 and is ‘the guy’. I don’t know that he would have been if fully healthy Week 1.
Likely, Foreman takes to Week 9-10 before he’s up to full speed. We also don’t know whether his Achilles is a career-ender of sorts. Most players are never ‘right’ again after at. We’ll see with Foreman…but he’s a guy not thought to be the starter, coming off a major injury, and ‘behind’ in game speed/play – we can’t assume he’s walking into a bad O-Line team and is fantasy gold. He’s a long-shot hope only.
Booger: The thing about the Texans running backs is they want to run the ball with physicality and do well each carry.
RC: Why are you still sitting in a crane? It’s literally the stupidest thing I’ve seen in football coverage this decade?
-- Deshaun Watson (33-44 for 375 yards, 1 TD/1 INT) has four straight 300+ yard passing games. Three straight 375+ yard passing games.
There are the new era passers like Mahomes-Goff-Mayfield (maybe Trubisky) and then there’s the new age pure spread guys – Watson is the first of them. There will be more. What they lack in high-end passing skills they make up with high-end mobility.
Booger: The thing about Watson is he can beat you with feet or his arm.
RC: Who at ESPN thought you were interesting? Like, how did you get on every show on ESPN before all this…and then land this cherry MNF gig sitting in a cherry picker?
-- Dak Prescott (18-29 for 208 yards, 1 TD/2 INT) could be a new age pure spread (NAPS) QB, but Jason Garrett is too smart for that. Garrett-Linehan have driven this entire offense into the ground because the O-Line can’t hide the problems anymore.
Prescott is a QB2-2.5 now…and who knows what Jerry will bring in as a head coach in 2019? I’ve sold all my Dak stock. I’m done with this joke of a WR-TE group…and coaching staff…and GM/owner.
-- The offense is so bad that its starting to get to Ezekiel Elliott (20-54-0, 7-30-0/7). Teams are starting to treat this offense like Arizona’s…obviously going to run, stacking the box, daring them to throw. Elliott is getting crowded. He’s still grinding out numbers but there’s signs of trouble as teams start extra stacking the run with no fear of the passing game and an O-Line that has become a shell of its former self.
Booger: Dallas needs to pass the ball successfully, block well and that will set up the running game. RC, do you think anyone noticed how excited I was in a preseason game covering the Redskins when I went on and on about how Washington was so smart getting Alex Smith because he could do things Kirk Cousins couldn’t do…even though that makes absolutely no sense, but I said it with big conviction…and then I turned on Alex Smith the second he looked like a disaster on MNF vs. the Saints?
RC: Literally, no one listens to anything you say…so, I think you’re good.
-- Michael Gallup (1-6-0/3)…best WR weapon on Dallas…one catch…’I’m out’.
This offense is a cluster____.
-- Ryan Griffin (6-65-0/9) had a big game, but I think Houston just took advantage of the Dallas LBs being too aggressive.
Leighton Vander Esch (14 tackles) and Jaylon Smith (12 tackles, 1 sack, 3 TFLs) were coming up into the backfield and worrying about Watson and left the TE open for Watson to expose. I don’t think it’s a thing.
Nice IDP numbers from LVE and Smith, though.
-- Will Fuller (2-15-0/3), I think, just had an off game from targeting. Nothing bad or shifting upwards. Coutee and Griffin were open, and Blue got a ton of dump offs. Fuller was just a down game. His prior three games – 5.7 catches, 87.7 yards, 1.0 TDs per game. He’s fine. Don’t panic if you have him.
-- The Texans-DST?
Finally, they held a team under 20 points for the first time this season. They’ve not looked good against Mariota, Eli, Luck…they were tough on Dallas, but Dallas might have the worst offense this side of Arizona.
The Colts defense (who I am speaking of often) may be better than the Texans defense.
17 sacks for Indy this season, 13 for Houston.
5 picks for Indy this season, 3 for Houston.
27.4 PPG allowed for Indy (24.6 minus defensive TDs allowed), 24.8 for Houston…Indy having played a much tougher schedule.
Neither defense is great, but Indy is emerging with nice numbers…and doing so against a very rough schedule and missing people due to injury. The schedule is great for both – but is either of their defenses good enough to deliver DST results? A firm…”I don’t know.”
The DST world is crazy right now. Offensive numbers are hitting record highs. There’s barely a good matchup to expose anymore.
The best matchups ahead via schedule belong to Indy and Houston. We’ll see if they capitalize.
RC: Booger, where have you been the last 3-4 bullet point notes?
Booger: Do you know how hard it is to line up this crane to go to the bathroom successfully? It was a ‘number two’ from like 30-feet up, so you may not want to go in there for a few minutes/years.
RC: I’m not at mad at you Notorious D.N.M. (Dried Nose Mucous). I’m not even that jealous of your success. You know who I am mad at/jealous of? That crane. Not only do you and Michele Tafoya make more money in a week than I will in a year(s) in the football business – that freaking crane probably cost more than I’ll make in years.
I’m the best in the world at what I do, and yet a crane that hoists your ass one day a week to blurt football nonsense for 4-5 hours every Monday makes more than I do.
Crane: Ha! Loser. Nice call on Quincy Enunwa and the Titans -4 last week.
RC: Touche’, Crane. But Enunwa had that hand thing that I didn’t…
Crane: Crane Out!!! Peace!!! *rolls away*(destroying my lawn).
Snap Counts of Interest…
79 = Alfred Blue
03 = Tyler Ervin
80 = Hopkins
77 = Fuller
57 = Coutee
38 = Hurns
37 = Beasley
36 = D Thompson
24 = Gallup
23 = Austin
01 = Brice Butler