I can't believe you made me watch this game. This was the worst. I can never get enough ‘hot Phillip Supernaw’ action on tape…
I wasn’t the only one not interested in this one – I would say Miami stadium was 50% empty for this barnburner. I knew it wasn’t 100% empty because the home crowd booed Jay Cutler as if it were standing room only/packed to capacity. The loudest crowd reaction I heard in Week 5 was at half-empty Miami – booing Jay Cutler passes.
But you know what…’he knows this Adam Gase offense’. If I hear that one more time… Hey, Adam Gase knows the Adam Gase offense, so why doesn’t he go down and play QB? Because apparently, that’s the only qualification one needs to get $10M a year hijacked from the Dolphins. I pulled both of my kids aside and told them to start studying the Adam Gase offense…it’s the biggest growth industry in America.
Have you heard how Jared Goff needed to learn the Sean McVay offense? No, you didn’t. He doesn’t have a self-titled offense to jam down your throat. He build things to support the talent. My new, working theory – anytime you hear ‘(insert name here)’s offense’ – then you should run.
What famous offenses do we have…one’s so sophisticated and complex…? The Adam Gase offense (total disaster now). The Kyle Shanahan offense (0-5, FG-happy 49ers). Hue Jackson’s offense (1-20 as Browns coach). Bill O’Brien’s offense (so bad they’ve gone through several QBs and then just decided to run the spread, finally). The Andy Reid offense (can’t get the ball downfield or to Tyreek Hill). The Sean Payton offense (when did they last have a winning season?). The Dirk Koetter offense (you watched TNF last week, right?). The Ben McAdoo offense…also known as the all-Paul Perkins-to-nowhere offense/soon to be fired in-season offense. When the media labels a new coach’s offense with the coach’s name…it’s the telltale sign of a problem.
You never hear about the Bill Belichick offense, do you?
Where was I?
Oh, yeah – this game sucked. Both teams are terrible (with Mariota out). Coaches in Miami apt to do drugs during the workday after watching this game tape…type of terrible.
On the other side of the field-- Exotic Smashmouth = DeMarco Murray 0-3 yard runs and Matt Cassel butchering the forward pass.
Fantasy Player Notes…
Honestly, there’s not a lot to take away from this game tape. It was just so bad; unwatchable. The Titans can’t be judged because Matt Cassel is the dirt worst. Miami can be judged – they’re dead with Jay Cutler. Here are some notes though…
-- I watched the DeMarco Murray (14-58-0, 4-11-0/5) carries, again, to see if anything jumped out – he looks normal. Not great but not bad.
In a game where the Titans had to play very conservative/safe, they gave 18 touches to Murray and 4 to Derrick Henry. Are you done with RB controversies and the Alabama guy taking over in Tennessee yet?
-- Speaking of the worst, my buddy DeVante Parker (1-6-0/1)…
I can't wait to be proven right here…waiting until football people start agreeing with me/coming up with this theory on their own as if they discovered it.
There’s only one word to describe DeVante Parker…S-A-W-F-T…saaaaawwwfftt. He’s a puss of an NFL WR. I see it on almost every play he has…he shows it to the world, if they were looking. He doesn’t like/want contact. He’s a go-deep, throw me jump balls so I can leap safely for plays away from the scrum WR. Adam Gase is not smart, even though he knows the Adam Gase offense – he doesn’t even see what’s right in front of him with Parker. He keeps trying to send Parker bubble screens (that Parker drops because he’s looking up at potential contact) or sending him over the middle while Parker tip toes through in fear.
Parker’s one catch in this game is everything you need to know…
Early in the game, coming across the middle on 3rd & 8. Catches the drag/semi-slant 6 yards downfield/ball in his hands two yards from the 1st-down. He had two choices – (1) He runs straight upfield to get the first down. Only, there were tacklers to the left, right and straight ahead. He would easily get the first, but he was going to get hit…he would pay. Or (2) he could try to run sideways and try to outrun the entire defense, make it to the entire other sideline and turn upfield safely.
Guess which one he chose.
Guess what didn’t happen as he had hoped? Of course, he chose to run across the field and the defensive line and secondary easily closed in on him. A defender raced in because Parker is slow, and blew his legs out and dropped him like a bad habit. Shocker – Parker was hurt (physically, and probably emotionally) on the play and left the game after three snaps. Ankle sprain/injury.
That’s The Beast known as Davante Parker.
What are the odds he pushes through pain this week and comes back to play? He can take the whole week off and respond to the non-believers on Twitter (call back).
-- Jakeem Grant (1 rec., -2 yards, 0 TD, 2 targets) has more heart, toughness on his worst day than Parker on his best…he came in for Parker and almost snagged a TD on his first target. Cutler fired one high towards triple covered Grant, and he leaped up and had fingertips on it and brought it down but as he crashed to earth/the end zone he lost it.
Grant should be a thing for this sh!$$& offense, but he probably doesn’t know T.A.G.O. (the Adam Gase offense) as well as Jay Cutler…so, you know…don’t want the only playmaker on the team to have plays drawn up for him. Who would do something like create plays around the talent? Sean McVay.
-- I am a Rishard Matthews (3-34-0/6) fan, as you know. I am not when he’s paired with Matt Cassel. When the game started, I was told that he was staying in the locker room/not coming out for the National Anthem to protest Donald Trump and would continue to do so until the President apologized for the Kaepernick statements…I was crestfallen on my beloved Rishard.
NFL drama kings and queens in the media…please stop being on constant National Anthem watch…and go watch some actual football tape. Learn how to pronounce the player’s names correctly. Do your job better and stop looking for TMZ moments to push your political agendas. You don’t care about the game – you care about you and the drama you love.
NFL players. Be against or for whatever you want but don’t take it out on the National Anthem and the greatest country in the world…flaws and all. Go cash your seven-figure checks in this oppressive land of no opportunity…while people making minimum wage level income fight terrorism for us and other countries, risking their lives…and you disrespect the very thing/ideal they are fighting for. Do your personal protests on your own time – like when you’re buying your ninth car.
70% of NFL players are broke five years out of the league – these are the Brainiac’s I’m supposed to take political discourse from?
This game re-watch sucked, so I have to fill words here somehow. I’ll make my own barstool political statements in-lieu of.
-- I said Kevin Byard (5 tackles, 1 TFL) would be a top 3-5 DB for fantasy this season. I lied, he’s only #9 overall right now!!
-- Lawrence Timmons (7 tackles, 1 PD) is back – two games, 6.5 tackles per game. He’s back and producing.
Snap Counts of Interest…
49 = DeMarco
11 = Henry
33 = Jakeem Grant
03 = DeVante