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Special Christmas 2017 Reading Material Bonus...

December 25, 2017 12:49 PM
December 25, 2017 12:44 PM

*ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED JUNE 2017 over a five-day span*

*This is a week dedicated to a personal 'ban' of mine.

I 'ban' certain places, things…a self-imposed purposeful move to stop shopping, buying, or doing certain 'things' that I do – a 'ban' for reasons that only make sense to my delusional, myopic self. It helps me feel like I control the universe…

My bans can be lifted if these places/things change their ways to please me, but usually the ban is never lifted (unless I'm too lazy to keep the ban at a given moment).


The ban I am going to discuss this week (yes, a whole week): Hotel Breakfast Buffets

Years ago, when I was in the corporate world, I traveled a lot for the job. 70+ nights a year at hotels. One of my considerations of where to stay was “Who had the best free breakfast?

I also had this litmus test when the family and I traveled for vacation. I'd use my hotel points to fund free mini-vacation stays wherever. My young boys loved the breakfast buffets. Like most kids/adults, they loved to make their own waffles, and chose from multiple cereal options and pastries, etc. It fed them cheap, so I was a fan of the hotel breakfast as well.

I have been traveling a little more this year of 2017. So, I've been back on some hotel circuits. This time -- no kids. Either me alone for work…or me and the wife enjoying a getaway from my now teen boys. Of course, the plan is always to make use of the breakfast buffet…however elaborate or not…each morning. We paid for it, right? Might as well use it.

After a few stays all around east of the Mississippi this year, I have come to the following conclusion – I'm done with the 'free' breakfast buffet or continental breakfasts at hotels. They are the absolute worst. I'm not 13 years old where this 'free breakfast' impresses me anymore. I have some money that I can go buy a satisfying breakfast if I want, and I will now do so. I will walk by 'free' to go out to get what I want – on principal.

I have so much to complain about on the breakfast buffets that I can't write it all here. So, I am going to list my four major grievances the next four days. After I am done, you might never see the breakfast buffet the same again. Some of you are already on my team because you too feel the same/have the same ban. Some of you are reading this going 'I like the breakfast buffets'! Oh, I am going to shame you. You may not join my revolution, but you'll feel bad every time you partake. I think I might win you to my side after this…and you go back to a hotel breakfast with new eyes. It might take a trip or two, but you'll see them through a new light.

Tomorrow's theme: Make your own waffles at the hotel.


Day Two of my proposed Hotel Breakfast Bar Ban (Waffles)

Hey, America…what is your fascination with the make-your-own-waffles at a hotel breakfast offering?

You know when the last time I had waffles was…the last time I was at a hotel. The last time before that…whenever I was at a hotel prior. Why is it I go my entire adult life not eating or thinking about waffles, but as soon as I see them at a hotel breakfast – I'm a moth to a flame? The greatest delicacy in all the land, suddenly. I see waffle options at the grocery store every week…'pass'. I have waffle options most places I eat breakfast out…and yet I never order waffles; because I'm a grown ass man. However, at the hotel – it's batter up (get it).

Perhaps, part of the desire for the hotel waffles is because I can't have them. I mean…I want them – I just can't have them…I can't get TO them. There are a lot of moths attracted to this waffle-flame. Not only do I never eat waffles outside a hotel ever, but now I must have them at a hotel so bad that I'm willing to wait in line behind 37 other people waiting/marking their territory to let everyone know that they're next up for the coveted waffle-making. They need like a deli ticket number system because nothing is more important to people than getting to that one waffle-maker…that one sloppy mess all over the place from sloppy seconds/sloppy ninety-iths interactions it's had that day…waffle-maker. NBA teams don’t box out people as well as make-your-own-waffle-crazed humans in line at the free breakfast offering at the hotel.

Don’t even get me started on the person who is in mid-waffle making. Their children are running around dangerously loose, unsupervised all over the hotel but that same parent is hovering over their still-cooking waffle to not let anyone even think of committing the crime of just grabbing their waffle as if it's their own…because that happens all the time, right? Do you think people are confused when they hear that garbage truck backing up sound that also lets you know your hotel waffle is done…and passers-by are just driven out-of-control of their own senses and go after your tenderly created waffle? I hear tale of waffle poachers at hotels…people just waiting to pounce on an unattended waffle that's completed the cooking cycle but wasn't claimed in a nanosecond. It's not like there's a rule of three beeps and then the waffle is fair game for whoever gets to it first – I don’t think it works like that. I'm pretty sure your waffle is safe without you protectively hovering over it like my dog over his fresh bone.

Why exactly are we all so crazed to get these waffles anyway? The waffles are always awful. There is no taste to them because of the over-processed, chemically treated, watered down batter…you have to drown it in syrup to have any hope of a flavor return. If it's all about the syrup consumption…then just douse your hotel pillow in syrup and eat it. Better yet, the hotel could save a ton of time and headache by putting out frozen-but-thawed toaster waffles. You’d have waffles via the toaster that tastes the same (weak) in a fraction of the time and with less mess.

Could these hotel waffle machines be any trickier to operate? I have a college degree, but somehow I'm always unsure which direction the waffle contraption should be flipped to. If you flip it one way – waffle toasted to perfection. Flip the other way, and Hellraiser emerges from it and drags you into a horror chamber. I'm a busy person in a hotel – either at work or at play. I don’t want to be manually operating breakfast machinery…I didn't pay you money to stay here so I could then operate foreign-to-me kitchen gadgets first thing in the morning. Why don't you just roll out a basket of oranges and I'll squeeze my own juice while I'm waiting my turn at the waffle-maker?

Hey, at least when the waffle is done they give you a Styrofoam plate that's an inch smaller than the waffle to put it on. That's always a joy. My manhole cover sized waffle is now on an uneven, flimsy plate surface to work with – but never fear…I have a cheap plastic knife and fork to navigate through the trouble. The percentage of time I've snapped plastic ware in the waffle cutting process at a hotel…about 41%. Either that or I apply so much pressure to saw thru the waffle that once I make it through then the momentum carries me over to shred apart the Styrofoam plate unwittingly as well.

I used to go through all that waffle-making crap for my kids at the hotel, and then they'd eat about 1/4 of it. I'd be so pissed at my waffle-making effort going to waste that I’d eat the other 3/4ths of a waffle I didn’t even want to begin with – just out of principal. When I made a waffle for myself a few weeks ago, traveling alone…it was so bad I ate about 1/4th of it too…now, I know what my kids were thinking when they were 5-6-7-8 years old when they didn't come close to finishing those waffles – they were trying to tell me that these waffles suck. When some parents say, "I don’t teach my kids, my kids teach me everyday"…instead of smacking them across the face for saying something so stupid, I'll now assume they mean their kids taught them hotel waffles are awful and not worth the trouble. The kids really are our future…

I drove 700+ miles to Florida a few weeks back and I couldn’t believe how many hotel billboards still advertise 'free HBO' or 'free coffee in room'…because those are super-special features. Topping all the features I saw advertised on hotel billboards, and I saw it multiple times with every different chain – "free waffles" or "a waffle-maker" for their breakfast offering. Even the hotels know how stupid we are for these waffles. What are we thinking…a thing we never eat otherwise, and that is always disappointing and aggravating at the hotel – and that's the marquee thing they promote to draw our business. The waffles are only a 10 minute part of our hotel stay (not including the 30 minutes waiting to use the machine)…while we spend a critical 5-8+ hours in their beds, but hey "FREE WAFFLES!!!" is what they chose as their siren call to us. The bed was a disaster, and I got no sleep…but oh those waffles…

Not me. Not anymore. I'm now banning me participating in any activity of making waffles at a hotel. Even though they look so damn good…nope, not going to do it. But they're free!!! Nope, going to resist. I got at least $7 in my pocket that could get me way better waffles at any number of places…and when I drive to that place, I probably will see something better than waffles and get that…that's how much any of us cares about silly waffles.

Learn from my mistakes. Don’t raise your kids to get hooked on these hotel waffles. Don’t let them get excited for them on vacation or traveling for the holidays. Teach them a lesson. Let them go ahead and pour the batter into that little shot glass. Let them read the instructions. And then when they open the waffle-maker to pour in the batter – grab their little hand and slam the lid shut on it and give them a lesson they'll never forget. Your child having a checkerboard scar for life on their hand is a small price to pay for the great lesson you will have imparted. The branding will serve them as a reminder for eternity. It will make your time in prison go by faster knowing you helped a child's future.

Tomorrow's hotel breakfast gripe…the hotel coffee.


Day Three of the Hotel Breakfast Bar Ban (Coffee)

So, yesterday we discussed the nightmare that is the make-your-own waffles at the hotel. Today, we tackle the 'free' coffee.

Why do we bother partaking in the hotel coffee? I know…it's free…and it's 'there'. Here's a product that has only ever had one thing complimentary ever said about it – person takes a sip and goes, "This isn't too terrible for hotel coffee." That's our lofty standards for free hotel coffee. That's what our life has come to – put anything in front of me that's free and I'll partake.

I do it every time at the hotel… This time will be different, I equivocate, it might be OK! But every time it's a letdown. You know how I know I'm right and know you hate free hotel coffee too? Have you ever completed a cup of coffee from a hotel? Never. You always leave between 22 and 87 percent of it in the takeout cup or porcelain mug.

You've never hit the bottom of a free hotel coffee cup…and were panicked and tipping the cup looking for just a few final drops of this nectar of the gods. Most all of the experience with hotel coffee is – wasted a bunch of time making it...checked out of/left the hotel with it...jumped in the car. Somewhere between 1-10 hours later you realize you need to throw out the cup sitting in your car cup holder. The cup is never empty when you grab it…it always has contents…usually, a lot of it…that needs to be ditched. Why do we waste time and energy on inferior products we don’t enjoy and don’t really consume? Did that 1-3 sips of the hotel coffee, before you mentally gave up on it, make a huge difference in your day? There has to be a Starbucks within driving distance or a leer jet trip away to satisfy your coffee urges properly.

Have you ever left any drops of coffee behind that you bought from Starbucks? When you grab that old Starbucks cup out of your car to throw away and find there was some left – don’t you die a little inside? When I pick up a hotel coffee cup left in my car…and it's 3/4ths full, I think…"Feels about right."

Even if you liked the taste of the free hotel coffee they have in the lobby, you could never truly enjoy it. The hotel lobby coffee only comes in two options: Surface of the sun/molten lava temperature or just made this about 3-8 hours ago, sorry about your luck, lukewarm temperature.

Even if the free hotel coffee was great and the proper temperature – good luck getting a chance to make a cup without being repulsed. I always get stuck waiting my turn at the coffee spout behind one of three people…

1: Amateur Starbucks Barista. They're going to go beyond basic hotel coffee and create a masterpiece of the hot beverage industry. Some hotels go, "Here's coffee, basic cream, and 1-2 sugar options…good luck." And this discourages the Barista-wannabe. But some hotels go overboard trying to hide the taste of their awful coffee by having 1,400 options to put in your coffee…and the semi-pro Barista is in heaven. They're mixing in honey, one Splenda, 1/2 pack of stevia, 2/3rds a packet of processed hazelnut creamer…stir…then add a dash of cinnamon, a splash of bottled French vanilla syrup, a peppermint sprig, and possibly whipped cream.

Why does a basic chain hotel either have no coffee accouterments or Seattle Coffee House's testing kitchen concept store amount of options?

2: At least the practicing barista respects the process/the prep 'area'. Because worse than them to get stuck behind is watching self-entitled, oblivious…"I'm on vacation so all this mess I leave behind is for someone else" person.

All their empty creamer packets and shredded sweeteners are all over the place. Who told them an empty Sweet & Low packet was a perfect place to put a used coffee spoon down on? Why did this technique get passed on to everyone? Oh, yes…this dirty, wet spoon is much safer on top of a piece of paper that was just manhandled and pawed at by at least eight other people and one of them choked the life out of it to rip it apart – that's way better than setting just putting a spoon on a counter that was probably cleaned, wiped down recently…hopefully.

I don’t want to use your communal spoon for stirring coffee…especially if I have to separate your pink wrapper stuck to it.

Coffee commercials always show the joy of make your own coffee at home, as you lovingly wrap both hands around a giant mug and go out onto your deck overlooking the beautiful sunrise of your mountain/ocean view…like we all have. They never show the coffee making process of you in a hurry at the hotel while waiting behind a land mass with effed-up hair still in their pajamas who is groping every sweetner, stirrer, and item at the coffee station and leaving everything they use on the counter for someone else to deal with. Every time it's the same mix – 2/3rds packet of sugar aimed into the coffee, the other 1/3rd crop dusted onto the counter for me to deal with.

It never hurts for them to cough violently while touching everything as well…adds to the joy.

And, hey…feel free not to move the out of the way once you've mixed up your potion. Do what you gotta do and then move the hell over. You see ten people waiting behind you, but you're slowly stirring your coffee mix for like ten minutes before you depart. Move the hell out of everyone's way.

3: Worse than any one of the two people I mentioned above, is the same person but they are making coffee for them and then also for 13 people traveling with them. Who has time to get back in line? Not them. They look like busy fortune 500 CEOs anyway and definitely don’t look like they've seen UFOs on three occasions and would love to tell you about it…over coffee. Thanks for recreating a game of Jenga with those little tiny individual coffeemate containers…empty ones. These people make so many coffees at one time that they create so much tiny garbage that the soda can-size trash can the hotel provides near the coffee prep is overflowing. It's such an appetizing delight to start my day with.

Not me. No more. I'm not making my own coffee at the hotel anymore. I'm not fixing it in the lobby. I'm not crafting it in my room. Not once have I ever enjoyed anything I've made in a hotel coffee-wise, so I'm not doing it anymore. I'm going to go find the nearest Starbucks and drive to it. I can order my coffee on my phone and drive five minutes to pick up coffee perfection or I can wait in line at the disgusting hotel coffee pot for 5 minutes and then do manual labor for 5 more minutes to get my hands on the inferior free coffee offering. I'll take the Starbucks option.

Let's smarten up people.

Anyone who emails me about such and such chain hotel actually has good coffee…I swear, I will scissor kick you. Go to a place that makes coffee for a living and get your coffee…not the place who thinks you’re a bother so they pour tap water into a giant vat and crank out watered-down, inferior, cheap coffee to satisfy the unwashed masses.

I don’t pick hotels by which one has the best free breakfast bar anymore…I look for their proximity to the nearest Starbucks. You should do the same. You'll thank me.

*The Marriott Courtyard with the hit-and-miss Starbucks 'real' offerings brewed/crafted fresh on the spot in 'The Bistro' is now my #1 choice for travel hotel stays. I'll happily pay for it there and take my chances versus 'free' hotel coffee.

Tomorrow's hotel breakfast gripe…everything else besides the free waffles and coffee offerings.


Day Four of the Hotel Breakfast Bar Ban (Everything else, not the people…we'll deal with the people tomorrow) 

So far, this week, we've tackled the ridiculousness that is the hotel waffle-making and the awfulness that is free hotel coffee. Today, let's unpack everything else there is to complain about in no particular order…

You do realize the hotel sees you/us and your/our zombie-like obsession with 'free' breakfast as a giant nuisance for them, right? They see us as a bunch of pigs, literally, who will eat anything thrown in front of them because 'it's free'. I used to work the third shift for a hotel in my younger days. By 'work', I mean slept under the desk from about 1am-4am and watched a lot of TV otherwise. Around 4-5am the hotel's morning breakfast process would begin.

-- 'Fresh' pastries were delivered about every other day. We had a specific plan to follow. Take the prior days uneaten, sitting in the open for hours' pastries and freeze/refrigerate them, but at 4am take them out to thaw to room temperature for the 6am-9am breakfast run. Depending on your luck, you got either that day's fresh delivery to choose from or possibly an old pastry, frozen, and thawed with love. If you were really lucky, you got a pastry multiple-times frozen and thawed. It's not like we had a French bakery on premise cranking out fresh offerings all morning. You all got secondhand, trucked in donuts and muffins that were usually destined for the cryogenic process for multiple days.

The fresh pastries brought in were really good though. I know this because that's what the hotel staff ate/picked over while watching the prior day's offerings thaw out for 'you people'.

Ditto all bread or English muffins.

-- Back in the day, the cereal offering was solved with the individual mini-boxes…but there was a problem. 'You people' were eating one box and taking 2-17 more home with you. Thus, the invention of the industrial dump valve of cereal.

You used to get real Fruit Loops in an individual box to ensure freshness, quality, and germ-free. Now, you get to literally take a dump of Fruit 'Lopes' or Fruity O's…or whatever cheap, off brand of cereal they could feed to 'you people'. What do you think happens with the left-over vat of cereal after breakfast? Do you think it is taken back out of the vat with special-gloved handlers and vacuum-sealed to hold freshness until the next day…or are you getting air exposed, rapidly-going-stale, knock off Apple ‘Jaxs’ the next day(s)?

-- Has anyone, except during a time of war and food rationing, ever eaten powdered eggs on purpose? Do you see a big section of them at the supermarket to choose from because people love them so? So why does the hotel even offer them? Because they don’t care about us…and they know we'll eat anything. The dirty pigs that we are. Fresh eggs are like a nickel a piece retail, come on!

You'd never in your life choose powdered eggs to eat on purpose…but at the hotel, they're free…so, go ahead and double up on your plate. The not fresh-salsa is there to help kill the taste.

Some hotels do offer fresh-ish scrambled eggs. Guess what happens to the leftover eggs? Hope you like previously frozen eggs from the day(s) before…

-- Hey, but at least you got turkey sausage to chase the powdered eggs down with! Why throw the supposedly healthy 'turkey sausage' or 'turkey bacon' into the mix of options? What about anything at the free hotel breakfast screams 'health conscious people here!' Again, it costs less money…and anything for the hotel to get over on 'you people' and save a few bucks.


The entire 'free' hotel breakfast is most low-end/medium-end chain hotels is worse than school cafeteria food. Yet, you'll sit around talking about your old school lunch garbage forced upon you and laugh it up on how bad it was, but then you'll actually make a militaristic plan to get downstairs 'ahead of the rush' to pick over the 'free' hotel breakfast options and think you've died and gone to heaven eating a lot of unfresh, previously frozen, germ infested, wildly inferior, cheap offerings from the waffles to the coffee to the pastries…to everything. None of it is there to please you – it's there because they HAVE to. Please join me in banning the 'free' breakfast. Places that offer very little breakfast or have a pay-as-you-go…they don’t have to build in your 'free' breakfast costs into their room charge. Purposefully avoid hotels that try to attract you with their 'free hot breakfast'.

If you are staying at a hotel with an elaborate free breakfast bar of crap…walk with pride past the 27-unkempt people milling around to earn their shot to use the touched-by-ten-thousand-people-since-it-was-cleaned toaster or to pour themselves some orange water somehow called 'orange juice'…and walk right out the door on your way to a real breakfast. Take pride in the fact that you can afford your own real breakfast. Your kids like McDonald's hot cakes better anyway.

Tomorrow's hotel breakfast gripe (the finale)…the people you see at the 'free' breakfast bar. As if the food offerings weren't bad enough…


Day Five/the last day of the Hotel Breakfast Bar Ban – We The People

So far, this week, we've tackled the ridiculousness that is the hotel waffle-making and the awfulness that is free hotel coffee…and then covered all the other food offering ills. Today, let's talk about the people you get to share this experience with…

Oh, the humanity.

Because there is 'free' food…you set it out/build it, and they will come. They will come in all shapes and sizes. It's an odd dynamic to have such a peaceful event if you’re traveling solo, of having your own little 'borrowed' room sanctuary all night and then go down to grab a bite to eat and suddenly be confronted with 47 people in an area built to hold 25 comfortably. You hurry up to get in line behind people who have likely not showered yet that morning and wait to get a hold of inferior food touched or breathed on by most of them.

I'm not a germaphobe at all. I just don’t like the appearance of slop with my food. There are toasted breadcrumbs loose, packaging wrappers sitting on counters, loose pieces of shredded cheese, make-your-own waffle batter drippings, empty Sweet & Low packets, crusted eggs on the communal spoon staring me in the face when I go try to find my selections. I don’t like the optics.

The food mess left behind by people is just the start. There are several 'new friends' you get to meet at this junction…

-- You get to meet 'It all looks so good, I don’t know what to pick' person.

I can't take this person. If I have to wait in line at the grocery store behind one other person I'm pissed off at the entire state of the grocery industry and why they haven’t figured out checkout without scanning things technology like Amazon is about to unleash. Waiting my turn in line to get to the 'free' breakfast should be even worse…yet, somehow, I expect it and go through with it. Not anymore.

First off, to the person scanning all the offerings (who’s always in my way)…'It's all terrible', so what are you looking for among the ruins? You shouldn’t even be 'choosing'. But these people are carefully studying all the options and building algorithms in their head on how to maximize eating the most 'free' food in one sitting – they don’t want to waste a bite on one thing but then find out there's another they would have liked better. It's all awful just grab something quick and pinch your nose and eat it.

Trust me, you're not going to settle on cheap cereal and a stale muffin, but then as your finishing eating it you then realize there was an offshott, in-house Krispy Kreme doughnut store cranking out hot, fresh delights rolling off a conveyor belt that was hiding just on the other side of the breakfast area you didn't realize existed until just now. There's nothing 'ace' you're missing out on…it's all the same crap, always – get what you get normally get for breakfast and move on.

When do you ever have a breakfast anywhere of oatmeal, a chocolate muffin, powdered eggs, bacon, yogurt, English muffin, waffles, boiled egg, AND a cheese Danish all in one sitting? That person exists at a hotel, and I'm always stuck behind them waiting my turn.

-- You also get to meet 'How much food can I possibly bring back to my table in one trip' person.

I know you're a busy person. You have to hurry up and get to the gym for your four-hour daily workout, but maybe you could find joy in making 2-3 trips to the breakfast bar instead of conserving all your energy by trying to take seven arms-needed worth of food back to your table?

This food is so bad…yet, not only do we come after it with glee. We can't bear to make multiple trips back to it for fear that the one item we wanted is suddenly 'taken'.

I enjoy watching this person with a container of milk in one hand, a bowl of dry cereal balanced on top of that, with a Styrofoam plate of hot food in their other hand balanced on top of a cup of coffee they just made with an apple tucked under their chin and a banana pressed into their armpit…doing that tightrope, Cirque du Soleil walk back to their table.

Trust me…there won’t be a run on fruit at the 'free' breakfast bar. You can 'risk it' and come back in 30 seconds to get those items.

-- Well, maybe that fruit will be gone because there is also 'one or five for the road' person at the free breakfast bar.

This person is going to eat a light breakfast but takes everything not bolted down for snacks for their road trip for their extended family packed in the family truckster. You're not in risk of your small plane crashing on a mountain top and considering eating each other to stay alive…you're just driving the interstate with food options every 1-5 miles. No need to stock up for the winter and leave nothing left for everyone else.

-- You might get to meet 'still in my pajamas' lady.

I don’t think I've ever seen a male at the breakfast bar wear pajama pants to the event, but somewhere around 30% of women at the hotel breakfast are in pajama pants, slippers, and a sweatshirt. Off-putting. Victoria's Secret…you are not.

-- Enjoy the delights of interacting with 'making your own waffles is better than a trip to Disney World' family.

How many 8-13 year olds are some of you traveling with? Do you take a Rockstar tour bus to go on vacation to contain that many pre-teens? These kids are being indoctrinated into this cult of 'free' breakfast worshippers…and it's the parent's fault.

If you asked your kid what they wanted for breakfast at home and they said, "make-my-own waffles, a doughnut, eggs and bacon, grits, yogurt, Fruit Loops, Cheerios, Frosted Flakes, orange juice, apple juice, and chocolate milk"…you’d beat them within an inch of their lives. However, at the 'free' breakfast bar, some parents unleash their kids to be locusts devouring pieces of everything in sight.

Has life gotten that bad that the free hotel breakfast is the biggest event in your child's life? You probably haven't done a great job as a parent if this is the highlight of their trip you're on.

...it used to be my kid's favorite thing about travelling...

-- The most befuddling people you'll get to encounter at a free hotel breakfast -- 'I only need half of this small cardboard container of 2% milk, so I'll lovingly leave the rest for someone else' person.

I'm not squeamish at all. I could watch any graphic horror movie and eat a meatball sub while doing it. People getting sick around me…doesn’t make me sick. However, the sight of that school milk carton at the hotel breakfast…opened, used portion of, closed, put back in the mini-fridge for someone else – I'm about to pass out at the sight of it.

On what planet do you think I want to use the milk you just tore the spout open with your dirty bare fingers and then lovingly sealed closed the other half of contents with those same fingers? If it was the last milk on Earth I'd contemplate partaking, but when it is sitting next 14 other sealed, unused milk container options – I'll pass on your sloppy-seconds milk.

What are these people thinking? "Oh, I don’t want to be wasteful." Yes, please steal the hotel's shampoo, soap, pens, coffee creamer cups, and sugar packets…but make it up by being economical with hand-me-down dairy.

Next time, I'll open a yogurt container, scoop half into a bowl to eat…and then place the other half of the unused yogurt still in the container back in the bin for other people who only want half a yogurt. Makes a ton of sense. Sounds delicious.


Many of you are hitting the road for the July 4th (Christmas) holidays soon or are in transit already. I hope the last four days of free hotel breakfast observations will serve to 'scare you straight'…or make you laugh as you observe it firsthand. Don’t let your significant other shame you into the logic of the 'free' breakfast at the hotel…because 'it's right here' (and they want to stay in their pajama pants) and it's 'free'. It's not 'free' to your soul…you pay a price. Take your family to a real breakfast somewhere, anywhere from McDonald's to wherever. Don’t perpetrate this fraud at the hotel…don’t give them the satisfaction. Don’t accept inferior for the sake of convenience that's really not all that convenient.

If I can help just one person…

Actually, I already feel like my work here is done. I got an email from someone who told me they were reading my rant about the make-your-own waffles while they were hovering over their waffles cooking at the hotel. That's so Zen.

Enjoy your July 4th (Christmas) holiday events and travels.

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About R.C. Fischer

R.C. Fischer is a fantasy football player analyst for Fantasy Football Metrics and College Football Metrics. 

Email rc4metrics@gmail.com

Learn more about RC and the Fantasy Football Metrics system >>